Thursday, January 3, 2013

On being a perfectionist

My friend Lindsey in Dallas got engaged a couple of weeks ago!  I'm so excited for she and Chris.
We have been exchanging some emails talking about wedding planning and all that surrounds it.  I told her my best advice was that it was difficult and crazy at first but then calms down.  Her response was that she is glad because she is such a perfectionist and she doesn't want to get overwhelmed. 
It really got me thinking when she wrote that. 
Truth be told, I've struggled a lot the past 3-4 months because of perfectionism (is that a word?).
First with Kevin - don't you all want to be perfect to your significant other?  I do.  But I can't.  And he can't be with me.  We can try, try, try but the reality is, we aren't perfect people.  Can we work hard at our relationship?  Yes.  Can we be perfect?  No.  And that's a hard concept for me to grasp.  I'll still keep trying! 
Second the wedding - well I've had almost two years to plan it so I'm okay with things on that.  And actually I'm more low key about things than I thought I would be.  Let's talk again on March 15th about that haha!

Third the house - oh my gosh. I had no idea what a huge stress it would be.  Especially at first.  The first month was CRAZY.  It was Fall, we had a gazillion leaves in our yard.  We didn't have carbon monoxide detectors (with lots of gas appliances), we didn't have working lights, the house was DIRTY when we bought it, our garage door openers didn't work, the heat wasn't working right so we had to get new thermostats, one of the burners on the stove wouldn't work, we couldn't get our cable to work, we had to buy a new TV, washer and dryer, fridge, dishwasher. 
I could go on and on.  It was overwhelming.  And it still is.  I feel like it needs to be perfect.  NOW. 
But the reality is, it won't be.  We'll have to deal with a muddy back yard because we have two many trees to grow grass.  We'll have to deal with the ugliest master bath in America.  We'll have to deal with a nasty floor in our laundry room that has a burn on it from a bad appliance the woman before us had.  We'll have to deal with an ugly kitchen light and backsplash.  We'll have to deal with literally no furniture in most rooms or sunroom.  We'll have to deal with no grill. We'll have to deal with no pictures on the wall until all the painting is completed.
But the good thing - the shell of an amazing house is there.  It is going to be gorgeous when it is all completed.  You know, in like 10 years.  We have a list of what we want to do for each room.  And we'll keep knocking stuff off the list when we can. 

clearly i didn't know Kevin was taking a picture but isn't this so cute of Mills sleeping?  his face gets so wrinkly!
Fourth the pooch - Mills was a surprise to me.  And I'm SO glad that Kevin gave him to me.  But I'll be the first to say - it has been a difficult adjustment having a puppy to house train.  I have been so frustrated by him not "getting it" and then he has been sick so he's been high maintenance. 
I was so glad to go to Maryland for the simple reason of getting Mills healthy (which he is now) and house trained!  Nannie and Poppa put him through an intense training course which he graduated from.  He has relearned what to do in Charlotte and is well on his way to being perfectly house trained.  THANK GOODNESS.  I thought I was going to go crazy there for awhile!  He's good as gold now!  He was laying across my lap last night watching TV and Kevin and I were talking about how cute he is and I just told Kevin, "I'm so glad you got us Mills."  He agreed.

So there you have it.  I want to be perfect at everything.  I must realize that isn't reality.  Easier said than done.  Any of you all feel the same? 


  1. Oh girl, I am the SAME way!! Especially on the house & dog front! I want to buy all the furniture & ALL THE THINGS for the house now, but that is not realistic & it aint't going to happen, so empty rooms it is! And I thought Berkley was never going to get the hang of peeing OUTSIDE! But he has now & is on a good schedule, such a joy!! Perfectionism is totally a strength & a weakness, I get it!

  2. agree completely!!! and the world of pinterest doesn't make it any better -seeing these perfectly decorated houses, gourmet meals, AND the dream wedding you always wanted. i just think of it this way - my life/home/wedding/cooking doesn't have to be perfect. it only has to be good enough to make us happy! which, in the scheme of the things, is actually really good.

  3. agree completely!!! and the world of pinterest doesn't make it any better -seeing these perfectly decorated houses, gourmet meals, AND the dream wedding you always wanted. i just think of it this way - my life/home/wedding/cooking doesn't have to be perfect. it only has to be good enough to make us happy! which, in the scheme of the things, is actually really good.

  4. I feel that way all the time, but I fall dreadfully short. I just try to focus on the positives, which it sounds like you do too!

  5. Just wait until you have a child! I use to be like you and have let go of a lot of that since getting married.
    Especially when I first moved in with Brad. I wanted everything to be set up and perfect but MADE.MYSELF.BE.PATIENT since we were getting married a few months later.
    I knew we were going to receive a lot of gifts and was glad I waited and used some of the credit we had to purchase things for the house(bedding, etc)..
    I could go on and on..but even my parents have noticed how laid back I've gotten and it's a good thing. At least for my marriage! LOL!!

  6. Girl I know exactly how you feel. Especially with the wedding & house. Working in the wedding industry, I feel like my wedding has to look perfect. And I know that is so shallow of me to think and I keep reminding myself that it's all about Cameron and I that day, not the flowers or the cake or anything else. On the house front, we've lived in our house for 2 years now and there is still a TON of stuff I want to do to make it more home-y. There is just not even money in the bank accounts or hours in the day though!

  7. I'm going to totally second Laura up above --- I quit Pinterest after a few months of feeling poorer than-, less talented than-, not as sparkly as-, not as domestic as-, etc. If you start comparing your life to others' you're only going to frustrate yourself. It's a hard thing to remember sometimes but give yourself a break.

    I am paraphrasing a Diane von Furstenberg quote I hear several years ago --- "I'm very nice to myself. I'm always with myself, so why wouldn't I be?" It's helped me IMMENSELY in just taking a breath, telling myself "You're doing a great job", and getting on with it.

  8. There are SO many more improtant things in life than keeping the image of perfection alive...

  9. I actually have a draft post in the works about my extreme perfectionism/OCDness! I can totally relate to this post! I get such anxiety if everything doesn't go my way/if it isn't perfect, sometimes it takes a good cry to help me realize that the world still goes on, even when something isn't exactly how I want it!

  10. Same. It took 1.5 years of constant work to get our house kind of done (our office is still scary and I keep the door closed!), and it was really hard not to go out to Home Goods every day just to get stuff up. It takes time!! Plus, your house is a zillion times bigger than ours so it'll take even more time, WHICH IS OK! My parents told me their first apartment in Northern Virginia had a couch that was literally a door on cinderblocks with a mattress on it. And now their house is amazing and I'm totally jealous of how fabulous the decor is but they've been married for 40 definitely took a while for it to be what it is today!

    And don't even get me started on wedding stuff. You know I'm right there with you. It's so hard, especially since C & I have been dating for 7 years, people keep telling me that they're so excited to see what we've got up our sleeves for the wedding...I'm like....ummm normal wedding stuff? I feel all this pressure to make it so perfect and different that it's driving me BANANAS! Lord help us.

  11. It is so hard to NOT be a perfectionist. I am the exact same way with SO many aspects in my life. Between moving into my apartment and adjusting to being in a relationship I want everything to be perfect. Like right away. I always have to tell myself that things won't be perfect and I can't change that fact! :) We can all be that way, you are definitely not alone!