Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Constant Battle

Lately I feel like everything is a constant battle in my head with having childcare and working versus spending time with my kids. And I think it's because we don't have a set schedule this summer. Honestly that's my fault but it's also how I wanted it!

A few weeks ago I was about to go pick up Grady at 2:30pm and I was like man if I could do these other three things without him, it'd make my life a lot easier. So for once I waited one hour (while he was playing on the playground and having fun with friends) to pick him up and got my stuff done instead. It felt so good and it also felt like something I never do. 

I feel like I spending every waking moment either working or with my kids. Which I do and I like that but I'm also finding that I don't take care of myself. For me to fit exercise in, blogging, time with Kevin/friends, I do all of that when my kids are asleep. I can't tell you the last time I have had a pedicure or anything else like that. Don't get me wrong - I don't need these things but dang it'd be nice to get my nails done. And I'd also like to do something about some other things I need to do. Ha! 

In the same breathe, I don't want to do those things because I'd rather spend time with my children. I think it's a mom battle for all of us but I think it's a different battle for working moms. (Please don't get me wrong, I'm not belittling moms that don't work, I'm simply stating how I feel!) Work consumes so much of my brain that a lot of times these days I have no brain power left. I want to get my work done but my kids are way more important. 

I'm the type of person that doesn't do well when I have work I need to get done. I'm OCD in that regard because I need to have that done before I can operate. At the same time, if my home life doesn't have it's act together (laundry done, dishwasher put away, etc) then I cannot operate at my office. I'm crazy I tell ya! 

As for this summer, I didn't put Molly Anne in an 8-5 camp setting every week because I didn't think that would be the best thing for her. I wanted her to have some weeks with camps, some weeks without camps, some with morning camps and a babysitter to take her to the pool in the afternoon. I wanted her to have a FUN summer and not go to the same place every week. That's just wanted I wanted for her and what I thought would be best. So yes she is very happy and loving summer. But the randomness of it all is a lot for my mind to get around. Yes I have calendars and alllll of the organization around it. But I do look forward to some normal consistency that the school year brings. And I'm not wishing Summer away!

Can anyone else relate with all of this mumble jumble?! As my Mom always tells me, "you're doing the best you can!"


  1. YES! YES! YES!!

    I agree with everything you said 110%. As I have commented before, I am also a Mom who works outside the house (well, with COVID I work inside the house STILL but you know what I mean :)). Anyway - I feel this intense pressure (from no one but myself!) that I need to be with the kids if I am not working. Same as you, I do all of the "stuff" when they are asleep, but there are some things you just can't get appointments for at 5 AM or 9 PM!

    We are all doing the best we can, and I try and remind myself that these seasons won't last forever and before long my 7 year old will be begging me to just drop her off with friends instead of wanting to play with me on the beach.

    Thank you again for sharing - it can feel really isolating sometimes and its nice to feel not so alone!

    1. You are so right!! We will stick together!!

  2. I’m an “older” mom now and one who has worked inside the home and outside the home. First, I highly encourage you to block off some time for you every week or other week. If you don’t schedule it, it likely can’t happen. It could be pedicure or gym time. It could be where you grab a coffee or drink and read a book. It’s for you.
    I didn’t do this when my kids were younger when I worked inside the home or outside…and that identity time is necessary guilt free for all moms (and dads though dads tend to have less guilt). It’ll take adjusting such as find childcare, working out schedules and figuring out what to do in that time. But do it and don’t wait. And that time is not permitted for medical or house work, etc. I’ll be checking back in next week.
    And my kids are 21, 18 and 16…a year ago I finally started at a gym I love. At first, my entire house would only need me when I was headed to the gym. I locked my phone on my car and did my class. It made me feel human. A year later, they all encourage me as I leave for the gym and know that I’ll respond to calls/texts when I’m done in 30 minutes or 60 minutes. I finally feel as though I have a little respect for the first time in 20 some years. I’m still a work in progress and raising littles is physically and mentally challenging with working out schedules but do this for yourself…guilt free. My therapist just convinced me to take me time outside of the gym to get a haircut or facial because I suck at that stuff. I hate taking the time from the family and spending the money even though I work. So next Friday, it’s haircut time for the first time in 2021!

    1. Thank you Christi for your kind comments!! You’re right!! And enjoy that haircut! ;)