A couple of weeks ago Kevin noticed I was just being grr that afternoon. He asked me what was really wrong with me and I told him...I just feel so much guilt recently for not being able to see everyone and spend time with all of our family and friends. I realize this is an amazing problem to have but that doesn't mean I don't feel guilt about it.
I just feel like I'm constantly on the go (traveling on the weekend and every week for work is rough stuff sometimes). Don't get me wrong, I love all of that. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.
But I just feel constant pressure to get together with so many couple friends of ours, girlfriends of mine or old friends that we haven't seen in forever. And I want to see all of those people and travel to visit our family and friends but we simply cannot do it all.
The most embarrassing and upsetting part - I haven't seen my nieces since our wedding or been to their house since December of 2011. That is so unacceptable, I hate thinking about it. FaceTime is only so great. I want to be there and spend time with them. They are my FAMILY and we all only get one family, right?!!
Kevin suggested us to have a big party, maybe a Christmas one, each year and invite everyone we know. That way, everyone will eventually know that we do that annually. I think this is a really good idea and hopefully we end up doing this.
One reason I feel this guilt....I can't say no. A typical excuse when I'm asked why I'm so overprogrammed is: Because I had to do it, I had no choice. I had already committed and I will not be that friend that backs out. She did it for me so I should do that for her. Etc. etc. You all know the drill. But when do you say no? When do you say you just can't do it all? I don't know.
And I must say, I just want to be HOME too. I want to hang out with Kevin and Mills and have no agenda. I want to take Mills for a long walk and go out to a random dinner date with Kev. And sometimes I want to do nothing.
It just isn't reality that we can see and spend time with everyone all the time.
Okay thanks for listening. I'm done. Do you all feel this guilt too?
I feel this guilt too. I also feel like wanting no agenda on the weekends as well. Something B and I do - we make a plan to look at having at least one weekend a month with no plans. We write "NO PLANS" on our calendar - that way we don't feel overprogrammed. It allows us to then use that weekend however we would like - whether to see family, just be us or make plans with friends. This has really helped us - just a suggestion! :)
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way. And I finally got to the point where I am ok just making no plans and spending time at home. It's good for your marriage and your sanity. You will find a balance but I know how hard it is when you feel overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel this guilt. We have a lot of weekends with no plans and spur of the moment outings. Hang in there girl! I think it's just because you travel for work! That's really hard :(
ReplyDeleteSuch a good suggestion above with "NO PLANS" on the calendar... it feels so good to unplug sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThings get harder and harder to keep up with everyone. My advice is to pick the friends that mean the most and make it a point to get together. We are jammed pack busy but our priorities are each other and our immediate family, extended family, and then friends. The friends that stand the test of time for me are the ones I can call when I have 5 minutes to catch up or can meet me spontaneously. It's helped me to know that I don't have to be best friends with everyone and I'm at a point in my life where quality counts more than quantity! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLoud and clear! September is a crazy travel month for me and thinking about adding on weekend travel to that makes me sweaty. :) I love laid back weekends as a way to recoup from the busy workweeks. Piling it all on is something I do often but it only zaps me of energy and turns me into a grouch!
ReplyDeleteEvery Day, girl! You are not alone. The once a year party is a great idea... and maybe even not at the Holidays, or even around a small holiday, so everyone else doesn't have huge plans. It will become a tradition... even if it's on Columbus Day! ...and you get to see everyone you know at least once a year!
ReplyDeleteI totally have guilt, too! I feel bad saying no to anything, and my schedule is always packed. I know it's just going to get worse as I get older, start my real-life job, have kids, etc., so I should probably start working on saying no now!
ReplyDeletereally honest post! I just started experiencing this for the first time since moving up to the city. I want to go home and see my family, I want to see friend,s I want to rest, and I want to have date nights! There just isn't time for it all and it's tough to balance!
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this a LOT. Living away from family only makes it more difficult. I feel so torn constantly. Just missed my nieces first birthday because I had plans with some friends and got a last minute invitation for the b day and didn't want to be "that girl" and back out. How do you pick and choose? When do you say no? If you find out let me know! ;)
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