You know, since Kevin and I got engaged like 10 years ago (it feels like), there has been a lot that has gone on. We were more established in our career and life than most that get married. We both had real estate to deal with before we combined. We had to think long term career for both of us when we thought about where to buy a home. We looked for almost two years before we found our perfect home. I had to sell my condo. Kevin had to grow his business. We both wanted to do more at work and now we have gotten to that point. I sold my condo on February 25th, thank goodness. 3 mortgages was NOT fun for those 5 months!
A long engagement was perfect for us. I really can't imagine having it be any shorter.
And I feel like we've both been so busy, we never sit down and have THE talks. The talks you need. Don't get me wrong, Kevin and I had talked many times about how we deal with things financially and we have dated for 4 years so obviously we each know how we spend money.
On Sunday night, we had THE talk. Like "okay we are getting married in less than 3 weeks and we really need to figure out our bank accounts and which we are closing and which we are keeping" talk. So we did.
I wrote down a list of ALL of our bills. Kevin and I always pay our bills right when we get them but there are a few things that we differ on. Kevin writes checks and mails them in. I operate electronically. And I have most things direct debit. Kevin doesn't do that.
But now he is going to lose control after 38 years of doing it his way and I'm going to compromise after 30 years of doing it my way. And we are going to make an "our way!" It'll take a few months to happen but we are combining our personal accounts. It should be interesting sharing with someone else but I'm up for the new way of doing things. Kevin is too. Takes trust and we have that. He knows I'm not going to go blow a grand on new shoes and clothes for an upcoming trip. And I know he isn't going to go buy another jeep without consulting me first (he learned after he did this in December that this was his last big purchase, ha!).
For us, both of our parents have combined everything and that's just how we were both raised. When you're married, you're one. So if I want to go buy a new dress, I will. And if Kevin wants to go get a new tool, he can. I don't care and he doesn't care. We both have sense enough to know not to spend money we don't have.
This is the way we will do things and I know every couple is different. I think the new thing is to each have your own account and then have a joint one. I know that works for some but Kevin and I are old school I guess. Again, as I always say on here - to each their own. Gotta do it the way that works for you! :)
This has been a big one for us. We haven't totally combined everything but I pay certain things and he pays certain things(bills and such).
ReplyDeleteBrad is a BUDGET NAZI.. he likes to moves a whole bunch of money to savings after he gets paid and if he overdrafts he overdrafts. I don't work like that. It's stupid.
Needless to say, we're still working through our financial ways.
My thing is -- I work.. and if I want to buy certain things(in reason), than I am going to buy them.
I REFUSE TO BE ONE OF THOSE WIVES that has an 'allowance' or has to ask for money. It's BS. That's another reason I would never be a SAHM.
Sorry, if i offend anyone. HAHAHA!!
Deep Breaths..... this is going to be tough one for us, we both know how each other operates when it comes to money (me being the more proactive one) Its going to be double frustrating because he runs his own business. We probably need to start this talk now, 7 months out.
ReplyDeleteBryan and I combined everything... some accounts even before we were married. And it's worked so well for us. The transition was easy. Neither of us are big spenders, nor are we sneaky people. I will never have to "ask for permission" to buy anything and neither will he. But being accountable for our purchases does seem to limit them a bit. And that's a good thing! Like you said, everyone does things differently and whatever works for us might not work for them, but I can tell you that Bryan and I have never fought about money. Not once. He's more of a penny pincher than I am, but I tend to be more level headed with big purchases, so it evens out. I'm with you - you combine your life... you vow to spend forever with each other..... that should include finances. You guys got this ;)
ReplyDeleteYou sold your condo! That is awesome news. Congrats!
ReplyDeleteWe still keep our separate accounts but we put the majority of our money in a joint account. We use this for just about everything we do -- grocery store, mortgage, yard expenses, dinners out, bills, family gifts, etc.
Having our own accounts works for us now -- it's convenient for gift-giving (keeps it a surprise!) and sometimes it's fun to say "hey, job well done, dinner is on me tonight" or "I want to buy you a beer!" :)
Couldn't agree more though that different ways work for different folks!
Right now we're doing a yours-mine-ours system. We each have our own accounts as well as a joint one. Like April above, I really like it for gift giving and I don't feel guilty for purchasing a dress if I have the money left in my "mine" account. I think at some point we'll combine everything but this has worked for us so far, especially with everything being so expensive in the NYC area. When we each want something, we never spend it out of the "ours" account or our savings and if there's not enough money in our individual accounts, then we just don't get it.
ReplyDeleteI just got married in October and we combined our accounts pretty soon after. Like someone said above, seeing all the purchases makes me more accountable. I'm less to blow $200 on crap if it's "our" money. It is a work in progress, though. I am more of a check writer, too, and he likes to pay electronically. These sure weren't issues our parent had lol! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteCameron and I are planning on doing a joint, and our own, accounts like April & Elizabeth above. We both like the fact that we will be able to buy each other gifts, without the other person knowing how much we spent. :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I combine everything, and it really works for us. I think that every couple is different, but I truly can't imagine having separate accounts. It would drive me crazy!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I had these types of talks too, and they are actually kind of fun. It all leads up to the big day.
We share everything. Andrew isn'ta big spender but I am and honestly it has helped me in my spending because since its not just my money I really think about if its something I really want or if it will just sit being un-used forever. I still buy things and so does he but anything over a certain dollar amount we talk about first. also when we buy gifts we just pull out cash to purchase so we don't see where its from or use our credit card and then transfer the money to pay it off!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you...it's all about trust and working together as one! I know y'all will do a great job managing it all!
ReplyDeleteStephen and I have joint accounts. I have the same stance as you- you're getting married and becoming one. It is all about trust. We are both good with our money, but once in awhile want to splurge. With joint accounts it has both kept us accountable and smarter with our money.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for having this talk! I'm not engaged yet but this is one of the things I dread! :)
ReplyDeleteThomas & I have a joint account, too. It's just easier. Neither of us has issues with what the other spends because we spend within our means. We barely have time to tackle our joint account much less individual accounts.
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited that y'all are so close to your wedding day! I can't wait for you all to head to the chapel and then jet off on your honeymoon!!!!
We pretty much keep everything together too. We did add separate accounts to our joint account to put our birthday money and to use to buy each other gifts. All of our expenses and day to day stuff comes out of the joint account. Our individual accounts don't hold enough to do anything with! ;) so many friends maintain separate finances, but I just think combining is part of getting married and certainly makes more sense once you add children to the mix.
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