I was over on Just Rainbows and Butterflies blog this week and she posted an interesting post about marriage advice. They had been to a work dinner and most of the couples had been married awhile so she asked what their piece of advice would be to a new couple. Most of the advice was great (as were the comments on the post) but this piece really got me thinking:
Just hang out with each other. We don't have separate friends. We don't spend the weekends a part. We made time to have the other in our life.
Seriously? I agree with making time for each other and all that good stuff...obviously that's a priority. But we definitely have separate friends! Maybe I'm interpreting the advice wrong but I have my girlfriends and Kevin has his guy friends and we have our couple friends. We think girl's nights and guy's nights are essential. I'm not saying that we don't all end up together at the end of the night (sometimes we do which is super fun!) but goodness gracious, you've got to have some separate friends. Obviously Kevin knows almost all of my friends and I know all of his but we still go our separate ways some evenings or weekends and do our own thing. We think it's healthy!
Please know that Kevin and I do obviously spend a lot of time together and our relationship is number one, but we make time for our other friends too! We both treasure all of our friends....we believe that you can never have too many (haha, maybe this is why we are having a problem with our wedding guest list size?!) and the more friends you have, the richer your life is.
At the end of the day, isn't that what it's all about anyway?
I agree it's important to have your separate friends.
ReplyDeleteIf you think about it, people can give mounds of advice, but only some of it might work for you. Every relationship is different, so everything might not work the same for each couple
I actually went back and checked in at RandB blog to see what other people put.
ReplyDeleteI also found that comment a bit much because I think it's healthy to have girls nights out and guys night out.
I also think it's important to have couples to hang out with that BOTH people enjoy each other.
That is sometimes challenging. Finding couples where the guys get along as do the women.
Know what I mean?
I'm lucky because Brad's cool about me going away for entire weekends to hang and hike with friends :)
My parents always talk about how for them (married 36 years) it works to have separate interests (golf & bridge), but to also have joint interests (gardening & biking - to name a few). This helps them both be happy as individuals & grow as a couple. I think that's important. I get what the lady was saying, because I think it's important to make time for each other, but for me...If I don't have ME time I'm not the best me I can be for Rob.
ReplyDeleteI think it makes total sense to have some time apart! I love it when Steve is out for the evening and I have the house to myself to do some sewing! I know he loves when I am gone too, but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy being together, of course!
ReplyDeleteI think it is great that you have separate friends, and you can do things together with them. There is definitely not anything wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree that you should continue to have separate friends along with friends of whom you both are friends with. After all, when you met him, you had your friends and he had his friends.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you!! I think it's really important, and healthy, for you to each have separate friends. What would this world be like without "girls nights"? I for one could not survive! :)
ReplyDeleteOh I think separate friends are critical. A little separation is good for the soul.
ReplyDeleteI had a (work) girlfriend who only wanted to do things with her husband there too. And honestly, we are barely friends now. Not because I didn't like him but when he came, I went from being the friend to the third wheel. Which sucked as it happened every single time we hung out. We could never just go get coffee the two of us or in a group of girlfriends. So uncomfortable. She was so different when not with him though- so strange.
not that i'm in a relationship - but even when i am in one you need a little bit of girls/boys time!
ReplyDeleteit is so important to have your own friends and a place to sometimes just escape. and also to have your couple friends and activities.
it is all about a balance! just like anything!
I could not agree more B! I really feel time apart can even make you both realize what you appreciate about the other.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have been married for 35 years and believe me, I could not have made it without my girlfriends. We as women need our "girl time" and time away from our husbands. I think it is good to have separate interests, as well as friends. You can't be with each other all the time! It's good to have a nice balance! Love & blessings from NC!
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